Out of a job yet? Keep grinding my gears.

Though I for one am not a huge fan of bitter rants, unless it involves ranting and raving over some bitter, I must take pause and share my rage:


Ok. Now there is a lot to this sticker that must be unpacked. The history of it: this sticker came from American Auto Worker Unions, who were trying to fight the increasing amounts of import vehicles being sold in the US, creating a risk to their very own jobs. Can I blame them? The answer is... somewhat. Well, maybe they have a point, but I'll talk more on that later. But you know who I can blame for adopting this sticker? Canadians. Yes, that's right. Somehow, many of my fellow Canadians have also adopted this sticker on their "domestic" vehicles (read: American brands, GM, Chrysler, Ford), as I'm sure many of you have seen.

The irony seems to have escaped these folks. Let me for one second, suggest to my country bumpkin Ontario hillbillies, that perhaps the US, is... (gasp) a foreign country!??! OMG-ROFL-BBQ-DVDROM-WTF!!!!!! Earth-shattering, I know. A short geography lesson:


That's right ladies and gentlemen. When you live in Canada and buy a car, whether you like it or not, you are buying foreign!! Now, I know I will hear the argument, "Well, some of these cars are made in Canada, you know".

Let me also propose a few more points of contention:

1. For every $1 someone has given to GM in the form of a purchase, GM has managed to lose $1.10. Supporting a flawed business model is bound to create more jobs, right!!?!

2. I will not argue that any car made in Canada provides jobs for Canada. But there are also manufacturing plants for Toyota and Honda here. What's the difference then there?

3. Since there is no Canadian-owned car company, the car companies have no vested interest in Canada, aside from workers, when they need them. The profits always go to the corporate headquarters after wages are paid, and even if the government provides assistantce, they decide where the money goes (read: US coffers).

Alas, cars I have observed recently with said sticker (all of these cars had Ontario plates):

1. Pontiac Vibe

Assembled in California, USA

I own this car, it's a good vehicle. But I do not own the sticker. However, I saw one with it. The funny thing about this vehicle, is that the design was a joint venture between GM and Toyota through this group called NUMMI. If you pop the hood, you will see Toyota parts in the Pontiac Vibe. Anywho, even more ironic, the Matrix (Toyota version of the Vibe) is made in Cambridge, ON. I wonder what that person would think to know that buying a Matrix would have actually been less foreign.



2. Chevrolet Cavalier

Assembled in Ohio or Michigan, USA or Mexico.

A very popular car with the student-types. Not much to say here, but if the car I saw with this aforementioned sticker was built in Mexico...well... then it shouldn't be any different to your Canadian self than one that was built in the US of A.




3. Buick LeSabre

Assembled in Michigan, USA

It certainly looks American. 3.8L of raw V6 power. But maybe you knew that anyways? The reasoning behind your sticker is still fundamentally flawed.





4. Ford Ranger

Assembled in Kentucky, USA

Who knew? You know, you could have bought a Toyota truck from the Woodstock plant. Then you could be supporting a local Canadian economy rather than a racist one. Yes, I went there.






The funny part about this exercise is that before I wrote this post, I wanted to write about all four of the vehicles I have recently seen, and if one was Canadian-made, I would mention it, but still make my point that it really isn't Canadian anyways. It's funny how I didn't need to do so.

And the winner is...

My past couple weeks have been filled with birthday shenanigans, the never-ending punishment of school work and the drudgery of "life in the real world" career malarky, and perhaps even a pinch of laziness. As such, I have finally updated my #1 game of EVER, which many of you have surmised to be the great and glorious RISK.

Why do I love RISK?

Because the chemical reactions occuring within the organic matter that is my body tells me so. But in all seriousness, it abounds with strategy, but also elegant simplicity. No game ends the same! (correction: if you finish it, it does).

I have some good memories sitting around this game and trying to conquer the world back in the day with some friends in high school. Somehow though, it always seemed that no matter how we placed our armies, my good friend Andrew Douglas and I would try to annihalate each other within the first few turns and bemoan our pitiful armies as any number of another one of our friends would swoop in and destroy us all.

Popular RISK strategies:

1. The "Australian Empire" Strategy - I could go into laborious detail about how such a real world strategy would not work, but I digress. There always seems to be heavy fighting to capture the so-called "crown jewels" of the board: Australia. By holding this continent, you gain bonus armies, albeit smaller than the others, but there is only one border to protect. Typically there involves some early conflict in the game to see who can hold this one.
2. The "I can't get Australia so I'll go for the next continent with less borders" Strategy - Typically adopted by myself, a player will go for South America then either Africa or North America and attempt to fortify the continent to collect bonus armies.
3. The "I've never played before and have gone for Asia" Strategy - A rookie mistake. Sure, you get seven extra armies, but who can hold Asia?
   
4. The "My armies are decimated so I'm moving my two dudes so far away you'll never catch me" Strategy - The last game I played this worked for me. I was able to make people feel sorry enough for me and not worry that by the time I turned in I managed to win the game.
5. The "I don't care if we both die, this is a principle thing, cause I don't like the way you play this game" Strategy - Typically involved in going after Australia, or when some friend of yours places their armies right beside yours at the beginning of the game.

Any more I missed?

RISK in popular culture:

Eddie Izzard - perhaps WWII would have been different...

LOST - excellent commentary on one of the foundational strategies

Seinfeld - why you shouldn't bother with trying to take Europe

Variants of RISK:

RISK 2210 - Attack from the moon!

Lord Of The Rings RISK - The greatest story ever told combined with the greatest game ever made = a slightly ok game. Where did Mordor go!?!?!

What I Should Not Talk About In My Blog: Vol. 1: Board Games

The results are in! As a consequence of my recent poll What Should I Not Talk About In My Blog?, I have decided to talk about each of the options, aside from the winner (loser?) here on in. My readers would much rather hear of LAN parties and Electrical Engineering theories than stock exchanges: well, my wish is your command! You only have yourself to blame!

Apparently my readers may have been burned by financial markets

First off in my series: Board Games

Not all board games are created equal (shouts out to Andrew Dougherty)

Compiled here are quick reviews of ten selected board games, least favourite to favourite:

10. Checkers

I am of the opinion that any game that can be solved beforehand is not worth playing (i.e. tic-tac-toe, not even worth a review).

That being said, how is it that I always lose in checkers?!? Call me a sore loser, call me what you will. I blame it on fate. Not enough strategy, not enough excitement. The one thing that would make this game better is if they kept the original name: English Draughts (and if it were accompanied by such BEvERageS).

Rating: F



9. Jenga
You take a block from the middle and you put it on the top, you take a block from the bottom and you put it on the top. Ok, I'm not totally a hater. The catch phrase lives up to its name.

Pros: The practical application of scientific principles
Cons: The impending doom

It's ok, but it doesn't get me excited - there's better games out there. And are these really the building principles we want to be teaching our future engineers and architects? I never want to be in a building made by someone who likes this game.

Rating: D+


8. Cranium

A pretty great team-focussed game with some fun variety, and use of creative skills. Always better with more players. Hard to play with less people.

If you wind up with the Canadian version, good luck answering any of the Data Head questions. Seems our history and famous people just aren't historic or famous enough. My favourites include excusing myself for misinterpretations of what my clay sculpture was supposed to be and drawing with my eyes closed.

Rating: B-

7. Sorry

I'm not sorry to say (har har) that this is actually a great game. Although you might argue that it is predetermined by the cards (as in #10) you are dead wrong. Some cards you can choose what to do with, and boy, can this game turn around fast! There is also something strangely satisfying about hitting the board really fast with your pawn on all the squares as you count.

Pros: Not a lot of strategy
Cons: Never knowing who is going to win until the very end

Rating: B-


6. Apples to Apples

Good game: minimal setup, can accomodate lots of players and a sure-fire way to induce laughter. You can use a card in your hand (usually a noun) to match a card drawn by the dealer (usually an adjective), who then chooses the winner. The result is a mix of sketchy and hilarious comparisons. The part I really enjoy about this is being able to play towards the dealers preferences, and also learning more about their sense of humour (or lack thereof).

Hours of entertainment, and difficult to run out of combinations.

Rating: B


5. Scrabble

Sometimes the classics never go out of style. I for one am I big fan of word games.

Pros: Oozing with strategic options
Cons: Playing with people who can't make decisions. Those smarmy people who know all the two letter words. Also, trying to spell words with K J Q Z X V P, come on!

Rating: B

4. Axis and Allies
Also known as Risk on Crack, this game simulates World War II, in which you play asa a superpower with your allies to achieve domination.

I have many great memories of playing this game, however, much of that time was occupied with setting up the board. This game takes forever to set up! The end result is worth it though. My housemates and I once attempted to solve this problem by setting up a war room in the house ("ze bunker!"). However, like the game, we started but never finished.

Rating: B+

3. Chess

Speaking of classics, Chess is king (yesss!). I was once part of the chess club, and believe it or not, that made me cool. Take that, school sports teams.

I'm a bit of a strategy buff, but this is the ultimate. Having all sorts of opening moves, strategies for different parts of the game, different pieces, and different outcomes is what makes this game classic. The neat thing about this game is the ability to develop one's own 'style'. My only complaint is how long it can take to play.

Rating: A-


2. Settlers of Catan

Incredible. And frustrating at the same time. Trade resources and build cities, settlements, armies, and roads. Many different ways to win, many different things to do, expansion packs for different types of play and an all around good time. One thing that some single player games lack is some sort of interaction factor between players aside from responding to another player's moves. The whole aspect of trading resources in this game really helps that out.

However, player interaction is a two-edged sword. I have never witnessed more fighting in my life from a board game! This game tears friends and family apart, otherwise I would give it full marks!

I will never forget one weekend a few years back when I went to a campus group retreat, which a bunch of us instead dubbed "Settlers Weekend". Completely out of control, haha.

Rating: A


1. I will save the winner for next blog post, since this one won't do it justice!

Nope, still not summer yet. Put your pants back on.

So with the start of March, comes the start of the inevitable and yearly tradition of spotting people wearing summer clothes way too early:

Unless you are leaving for Hawaii, it's too soon.

Did your mother not tell you how to dress? Or is there some sort of sensory malfunction existing between your frozen skin and the grey matter between your ears? Oh wait, I get it, if the snow is melting, then it must be summer, right?

You know the type I'm talking about... maybe not exactly like this fellow above: typically preppy white males... with popped collars... who like to work out to Nickelback and drink Molson Canadian between their basket weaving and philosophy classes... at the University that their mom and dad has paid for. But you can't rule out many others. People get antsy this time of year.

Granted, I understand the anticipation of warmer weather, but I don't appreciate the burden on our healthcare system from this sort of self-destructive behaviour. If you get sick, you are asking for it. If you are cold, stop complaining and put your pants back on.

Nurture or Nature

So ever since I was a young'n, I have always been a huge fan of the team the New York Rangers. A weird team for a Canadian to love, but nonetheless, the power of parental brain-washing is pretty powerful stuff. My dad watched the games on TV, I owned a Rangers jersey and hat, and we went to the games when they played the Leafs (sp? Leaves? sheesh, who can cheer for a team with bad grammar. Long sidenote, feel free to not mention my previous band as it makes me look like a hypocrite).

Ever since, my love for watching the team has grown. But in those early years I guess I had a choice. I found a picture of myself at my parents house around the age of 5 wearing a Leafs toque, and I couldn't believe what I was seeing. During a more recent visit to my parents house, I started going through my old school stuff from my early elementary years. All I could talk about was hockey and my love for the New York Rangers. The more I read, the more I realized how influenced I was through the process of admiring my Dad at the time and wanting to be just like him. So, the question is, do I still have a choice now? Or am I stuck with the Rangers for life?

It made me realize how much influence a decision can have on us in the future. At the time, I wanted nothing more in the world to be just like my Dad - to like the things he does and do the things he does. Maybe this is from the desire of any child to establish security. I wouldn't rule out my ambition to pursue an engineering degree like my Dad did came from a similar place. And then as I got older, the need to appear consistent and commited would freeze my preferences, because, hey, noone likes a turncoat. I can't all of the sudden by a Sens fan, can I? Not like this would be a good year to pick that team...

Why else can you explain that I can't seem to turn Indie Rock fans to the much-superior realm of Metal? Or why else would a Leafs fan continue cheering for such a terrible team? Or why would someone hang on to shares of a failing stock? Or why did I crawl under my desk and cry in Grade 2 when we switched from writing on the pink lines to the blue ones? Or why is it that I can't seem to find the droids I'm looking for?

As such, I have realized that some of the things I do and feel are a result of my desire for consistency, and I no longer feel I need to stick to them them:

1. I am now doing an MBA degree, cause Engineering isn't totally right for me
2. I will no longer say 'Dude, Where's My Car?' is the best movie ever as I've been saying for years (also, we all know Lord of The Rings is anyways)
3. I am open to Costa Rica not being surrounded by the Caribbean and the Atlantic, but the Caribbean and the Pacific
4. I will admit that perhaps yogurt and pineapple on top of cereal isn't the greatest tasting

However, in all other things I'm still right. The Rangers are still the best, Heavy Metal reigns supreme, and dogs are superior and smarter than monkeys. Maybe I have a long way to go.